Why Resolutions Fail

Baby Steps

This is about the time of year when people begin giving up on their resolutions in droves. I have done a lot of thinking about this fact and I think I've come up with some major reasons as to why people abandon all their grandiose goals not 1/6 of the way through the year. 

The first is all about change. This is the same reason political revolutions fail. If something was quick in changing, it will be quick in changing back. If you're overhauling your entire lifestyle (or overthrowing an entire government, I don't know what you do in your spare time) 9 times out of 10, you'll end up right where you started.

For instance, look at yo-yo dieting. Someone decides they want to lose as much weight as possible in as little time as possible, so they overhaul their entire eating habits. It normally leads to hunger and intense cravings (I don't care how many female-targeted diet brands say they can curb your late night cravings. When mama wants some chocolate at 11 pm, your granola bar's not gonna cut it) that then lead to losing the diet entirely. In most cases, people who go on these extreme diet programs will gain back all the weight they lost (lookin' at you, Kirstie Alley) and in a lot of cases, gain even more. 

Gradual change, however, lasts longer. By steadily eating slightly smaller amounts, you can actually decrease the size of your stomach. Still go for your normal snack routine, but switch to healthier alternatives. If you want something crunchy, go for carrots. If you want something sweet, go for fruit. Trade in white bread for wheat. Get a medium instead of a large. One day you'll look back and realize you actually have a healthy lifestyle and you can't remember exactly how it happened. 

Another reason I've noticed people fail is they have a sort of "perfection or bust" mentality. They want to go to the gym on a strict schedule. The first few times they can't make it, they give up the endeavor entirely. Which is asinine, as perfection is impossible. You're going to get sick, have a hectic schedule, or just forget to work out.Imagine if we took that mentality with other things in our life. Say the first time the supervisor at work had to discuss something with you that you were doing wrong (apparently at Target you can't tell people walking into your lane you're about to go on break even though NO ON PAYS ATTENTION TO THE LIGHTS ABOVE THE REGISTERS). Since you weren't doing it perfectly, your response is to quit the job entirely. Or say a student in school got a bad grade on a test and their response was to drop out of school and ride the rails as a hobo. It sounds stupid when put in those contexts, yet breaking down and having a soda (which I have not done...yet) seems to be excuse enough to return to caffeine-guzzling habits. The solution isn't to give up and wait till next year. Just take some Nyquil to beat the cold, rework your schedule, make a note. Get back to the gym the next day. Drink more water. 

 A third reason I've seen so many people fail to change is because they seem to relegate changes in lifestyle to being a strictly New Years Resolution thing. People thought it was strange that I began my resolutions before New Years. What would have been the point in waiting? It wasn't like the dead days of the holidays had magical "calories don't count" properties (but seriously, how awesome would it be if they did?). I decided I wanted to change for the better, so I started right away. And just because it's February doesn't mean it's the wrong time to change your lifestyle. My sister is making another attempt to quit smoking. As the girl who had to repeatedly leave the concert venue to stand outside so she could indulge in the habit, I wholeheartedly support this decision. Whatever, wherever, whenever the urge to shake things up for the better hits you, go for it. 

Today we have learned 

(Alternatively titled: "And so what we have learned applies to our lives today")

Beaucoup brownie points if you get that reference. 

A. You are not going to completely change yourself overnight. If you try, you're setting yourself up for failure. 

B. Short term failure is not an excuse to give up long term goals. 

C. Any time is a great time to make a better you. 

Happy February Resolutions Everybody!

The Beauty of Habits

21 Days

There's the old belief that it takes only 21 days to break yourself a habit or instill a new habit into your lifestyle. Now this may or may not be true (and I may or may not have given up on reading the articles discussing it out of boredom) but the idea behind it is true. If you work hard enough to instill new habits in your life, sooner or later they take off with you. 

Tonight after pit rehearsal (and a surprising dizzy spell, but I couldn't very well pass out in front of the same band director twice) my mom asked if I wanted to stop for a drink. In the old days of last year, my thoughts would have immediately jumped to "oooh, yes, Dr. Pepper". Instead it turned into "yeah, I could go for a Powerade. Now sports drinks may not be that much better for you, but it does prove one nice fact: I have broken my inherit cravings for soft drinks. I do not longingly stare at the bottles behind the glass at the gas station. I don't sigh when I see the "3 for $12" sale at Walmart. And I believe my wallet thanks me for that. 

The best part about habits is that you don't break them by skipping them for a day. True, I've skipped the morning workout more than once over the course of this month and a half. Some days it's for valid reasons. Other days...well I found out that I am not wholly capable of convincing myself to do as much as I should be. But the next day I always pick it up again. The other day I put on a pair of pants I used to avoid wearing as it was incredible tight around the thighs. But I realized they're not as tight. It's a small victory, but I was Z-snapping my way through that day. 

The not habitual things are a bit harder to keep up with. I haven't touched the story in a while (partially because I'm STILL WAITING ON PEOPLE TO GET BACK TO ME WITH COMMENTS) but I try to keep it in my thoughts. Fortunately for me, it is the beginning of a series that I have gigantic plans for so I'm always thinking about it. And tonight I finally began the formatting process to get the manuscript to novel standard. It is a marvelous process that makes your original manuscript much longer. It's actually over 250 pages now. Not bad for a manuscript written in a month and a half.  

I also finished yet another book for the reading challenge. It was "The Mammoth Book of Zombie Comics". And I learned two things. A. - It is not smart to read horror while you're laying on the floor of your bedroom (I swear to Zeus I was scared to look up because I knew I would be in-sight of the space under my bed). B -  There is still pleasure in finishing a book regardless of what kind of book it is.

Nearly halfway through the second month of the year and the New Year's resolutions are still going strong. At least...the ones I've started already. Is there such a thing as "March Resolutions"?

The Stupidity of Calling the Other Side Stupid: A Note on Facebook Politics

It has arrived.

A dreaded month. The only holiday is reserved for people in relationships (a fact which would make the original St. Valentine weep, but that is a discussion for another day) and spring is still several weeks out. Admittedly I have not stayed true to my workout as I would like. The workout was skipped a couple days and I seem to be struggling to wake up at 8:30 am. I still have few shifts a week, which leaves me fairly bored. I finished 4 books in one month (although the Shel Silverstein was an easy read) and have a couple more picked out besides.

I could go on about other things in regard to my resolutions (apparently I make incredibly shippable characters) but I would rather wax a bit philosophical. The Iowa caucus is tonight. People are working on what candidate to support as I speak, so naturally it's in the front of my mind. And there's one particularly thing I've noticed. People are stupid. Not for their political views. But because they equate political views with intelligence. 

These days Facebook is filled with jokes and memes that mock the opposite side's intelligence. Republicans are idiots that don't understand climate change or the first amendment. Democrats are idiots that don't understand economics or the second amendment. Sanders is a communist. Trump is a fascist. The Democrats apologizers will be our downfall. The Republican bible thumpers will lead us into a new dark age. 

All of that is stupid. 

I'll admit to sharing my own comics mocking Republican stances, but lately I've seen how it comes across from the other side. If you share those things or say those things, you don't look like an intelligent social observer. You look narrow-minded. You look like you can't handle the other side's argument. In short, you look unintelligent. Mocking someone's stance has never been an effective tool for changing their mind. If anything, it convinces them they're in the right.

Do you have to agree with the other side? Of course not. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But never equate opinions with intelligence. Just use the golden rule. If you don't want someone to call you a anti-abortion bigot, don't call them a baby killer. If you don't want someone to call you a lazy-ass welfare recipient, don't call someone a greedy capitalist pig. There's a difference between an attack and returning fire. If you can't handle the war, don't fire the first shot.

The Month Mark

Happy Monthiversary!

Honestly, I cannot think for the life of me how you could spell that. It's not a real word anyway, no matter how many over-attached girlfriends use it in Facebook. But I have managed to make it one month. No soda, a lot of editing (recently started a handwritten fantasy epic that has made me realize how many colloquialisms use modern technological references) and 3 books read so far. I have started my murder mystery, a dry wit filled book with multiple instances of 4th wall breaking written by the creator of Winnie the Pooh.

I pause to look back on one month of doing things. It takes till the 25th sit up for my abs to start feeling it and the 75th jumping jack before I start to feel truly winded. Come warmer weather I may even start running. But that's for a future Margaret who doesn't mind things jiggling in public. Driving is also a warmer weather activity that poor future Margaret will not be enjoying.

The biggest downfall coming up will be chocolate. As I am currently dating myself I may feel the pressure of buy myself chocolate to celebrate such a long lasting relationship. Including the wickedly delicious German chocolate brownies my father just had to tempt me with, I may need to be wary of my sugar intake. 

The boredom has not lessened all that much. There have been some plans with friends, including a rather fun road trip to see Star Wars in IMAX coming up (I would watch the first 6 first...but the internet already clued me in to the major plot points) and the writing. Pit rehearsals for the musical have begun, meaning I have another 6 hours a week I'm actually doing something. I was pleasantly surprised that I could fall into switching from bass to treble clef so quickly, so all green lights on that front (see what I mean about colloquialisms?) 

Here's hoping for the next "monthiversary" I will have a decent work shift and begin seeing actual differences in my physicality. Or it'll be as boring and unimpressive as any other monthiversary. I never presume to tell the future.   

If I may be permitted a digression...

The hardest challenge

...for an 11 year old to a 14 year old is admitting they still like the same silly things from their childhoods. But the hardest challenge for a twenty-something is admitting we're not the best at what we love. While the internet is filled with "adulting is hard!" posts (although this woman has a savings accounts, professional email address and regularly gets up before 9 am, thank you very much) mentally, we still have the teenage aspect of feeling like we're at the top of our game. We'll give the 30 somethings and up props for managing parenthood and bill-paying. But admitting that we're not excelling in our new job or shooting to the heights of our chosen path at breakneck speed is not our strong suit. 

Tonight, I have finally broken down and began looking at those "how to become a better writer" blogs. It can be difficult to find the better ones, as they can range from the vague "you can do it!" encouragements that give little to no actual advice to the strict "do it my way or you're no real writer" set. And true, published authors tend to have more validation in the field. But let's keep in mind that Madeleine L'Engle had to take "A Wrinkle in Time" to no less than 26 publishers before it was finally put on the shelves, where as E.L. James of "50 Shades of Gray" fame did not struggle nearly as much. Nearly every bookworm and writer alike will agree on which is the better piece of literature out of the two. 

I have also realized that amateur writers are, in general, assholes. In a field that's inherently subjective and filled with people trying to validate their own intelligence by the level of novel they read or write, you're not truly good until you're better than someone else. There is always that one writer that holds their work to be the masterpiece of their genre or knows the secret way to write the perfect story. I've often had my story summaries put down as "too formulaic". For some reason, length is always included in this assessment. But I would like to point out that Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" had nearly 500 pages while Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" had less than 150. Ruminate on that.

Growing up, I was more or less recognized as the writer of my family. Other family members may indulge in the hobby, but I was always the one getting all of the journals for Christmas or pictures of t-shirts with the phrase "anything you say can and will be used in my next book" posted on their Facebook page. For most of my years as a minor, I didn't have a giant set of writer friends. Truth be told, I didn't really seek them out. To this day, my only true "writing person" is my friend Stephanie...who has told me that I am the only writing friend she can stand to talk to on the subject as "writers are dicks". 

Now I'm not bragging when I say I'm adept at writing. By the time I was 12, I could write a death scene capable of making my older sister cry. (Yes, Esther, I know he was only 4 years old. But if the heir to the throne didn't die of the plague there would have been no struggle for royal succession) I can make witty statements that make people laugh aloud while their reading and create realistic characters, one of which I had been told was the perfect "lovable douchebag". And this is not without effort. I have been writing poetry since I was 8 or 9 and stories since I was 10 or 11. Admitting that I may need help in the craft I have dedicated literally a decade of my life to is not an admission I make easily. I will say I felt relieved when I read over "common writing mistakes" and realized that those mistakes I did make I was already aware of and working on.

The point of my long rambling post is this: humility is key. It's never really mentioned as a key to success, but it's essential. No one wants to congratulate you on your success when your attitude makes them wish you'd never succeeded in the first place. And no one ever betters themselves by stalwartly refuses to believe there is anything they're not the top in. I'm not writing the next great American novel at 22 years old, I accept that. But knowing that now means I know what to do to shoot for a spot on NYT's bestseller list before 35.  

  

[Insert Limbo Joke Here]

I AM...

...an active person. Not in exercise, obviously, but I like going out and doing things. I'm that weird kid that looks forward to the beginning of the school year because I've been bored since July. So with the still pared back hours at work (and an exorbitant amount of no-call, no-shows, for some reason) and no classes, I am bored out of my mind. The laptop that I used to dream about getting back to when I was at work or class is holding less and less fun for me now. I have gone entire days without leaving the house once (I would try to go swinging more often, but the painfully cold weather is a bit of a drawback). There's no easy way to make plans with friends, because they're all off with busy schedules of school and work. 

I have been keeping up with everything (with one or two days missed in the workout when there was an earlier work shift) but there's not quite the same sense of accomplishment as when I first started. It's become part of the routine to do various things. I sent the revised story to half a dozen people and have not received one comment or bit of feedback. The roads are still ice covered, which makes learning to drive not really an option at this point. It's still too early in the workout, no-soda healthier lifestyle for any noticeable changes. 

Before anyone hops on to comment "keep going!" I'm not on the verge of stopping or slowing down. If I thought these things could be accomplished in a month, I wouldn't have made them as resolutions for the entire year. I'm just annoyed to be in earthly limbo, sort of just existing while I wait for things to happen. I'm not a "Netflix and chill" person. I'm not a "let's hang out" kind of person. I am a "let's take 3 right turns, 2 left turns, then 3 more right turns and see where we end up for the fun of it" person. I want a reason to get out of bed earlier. I want to see more than the inside of my house and place of employment. I want memories to write in my journal and stories to tell my grandchildren. And "I once spent a month binge watching Netflix" does not a good grandmotherly story make.

WARNING: LAZINESS APPROACHETH

Can You Feel It? 

It's coming. It's that time of January. The moment when the dedication begins to waver and the laziness and apathy sets in. It's the "do I REALLY need to do the workout today?" or "what would one soda hurt, I mean really?" It's either the beginning of the end or the moment you start pushing back. 

I will admit to not doing the complete workout some days (an unfortunate side effect of waking up with severe acid reflux) but I haven't given up on that yet. Still haven't touched soda, for which I am grateful. The story is currently in the hands of a variety of editing friends and family. Admittedly, I haven't done much reading (the author of the book I chose to do next was the first book of an academic and it shows). 

In order to make sure I don't slow down, I'm going to try a couple different tactics. Firstly, imagination. Imagining that moment when I can buy a pair of pants one size smaller. Or my reaction when I receive that magical email saying the agent loved my book and I'm going to be published. Or jamming out in a car by myself as I drive down the highway. Or casually saying in conversation "Les Mis really is better in the original French". (Learning French may not be one of my official resolutions, but really how awesome would it be to say that and mean it?) 

The second trick I'm trying are deadlines. I gave myself the deadline to reread and edit the entire story in 5 days by taking around 25 pages a day and that worked out well. The next step would be to format the story for a novel (the snobbish writing sites all say that Microsoft Word is horrible for it, but not everyone can afford some weird, little known software so pbth) and get to reading. 

Thirdly/Lastly, my trick is to put things in my daily schedule. For example, I do the workouts first thing in the morning before I do anything else (followed by a showed for obvious reasons). But I also need to get in the habit of reading for an hour or so (maybe less when my work hours are increased) to stay on top of the reading challenge. 

More than anything, the trick is to fight the apathy. I didn't get my degree (oh, did I mention I have my degree now?) through apathy. I don't keep my job through apathy. And I'm not going to accomplish anything else through it either. Relient K was right: apathy's a pathetic way to be.