New Years Eve

It's coooommmmmiinnnng.

And as we near the beginning of the New Year, I like to dwell on the lessons I have learned on my journey to a better me so far. 

1. I do not own a sports bra capable of restraining two C-cups for the duration of 100 "inside-outside, outside-inside" jumping jacks

2. Doing the plank for a minute becomes much more endurable when you start berating yourself for all those times you phoned it in during gym class 

3. There is nothing quite like rereading your own work and realizing it doesn't suck 

4. Looking at yourself in the mirror becomes a bit more bearable when added with the thought "But I am working on it" 

5. A clean(ish) bedroom makes all the difference in daily life

6. Haters gonna hate. 

There has been, on some social media sites, a large amount of virtual eye-rolling going on in reference to people declaring they will be undertaking resolutions. Cartoons are made disparaging the hashtag #newyearnewme And why? Because it's assumed everyone who undertakes resolutions will fail and their attempts are pointless.

Now I wont say that I believe every person who resolves to do something will actually do it. A large portion of people will give up on their resolutions by Valentines Day. I myself have tried and failed multiple times before. But just the idea of saying "I could be doing something better than I'm doing right now" is admirable. Admitting where your faults are and working toward them is infinitely better than never trying at all. I'd rather someone try and fail than say "what's the point?". Because if you aren't willing to work on yourself, the one thing you will be stuck with your entire existence, how can you be trusted to work on anything else?  

While it would be downright stereotypical of me to say "this time feels different" but it does. With a degree under my belt (that can come in the mail ANY DAY NOW) and a masters looming, there is that feeling of being on the cusp of something bigger. 

There is an organization for museum workers that gives its members access to an international job board. It would be a dream come true to find a position in another country (preferably an English speaking one, according to Duolingo I'm only 7% fluent in French). Given that I will have multiple degrees, a certificate, and (fingers crossed) a published work or two, I could be a viable candidate for a position in any respectable museum. This means that within a few years I could be an ocean away from every family member and friend I ever knew. That's terrifying, thrilling, and a great incentive for getting your life together. A couple years is enough time to be a distinctly better me than I am today. I could be fitter, stronger, more successful, independent, and well-read than I am right now. 

And that's why, ladies and gentlemen of the jury for the court of public opinion, you can fuck off.

Bumpy Roads and Purple Mountains

3 Days In 

...and I've already hit hard times. I'm pretty sure the first week is supposed to be a myriad of positive feelings and big plans for a sparkly future. Or are you supposed to wake up on the second day and think "oh holy fuck, I have to do all that again"? I can't tell if it's the caffeine-withdrawal headaches or the tumultuous busy 7 and a half hour shift yesterday (Since when do parents take their kids to spend gift cards RIGHT after Christmas? I was lucky if we got to the store before Valentines Day) but I was already questioning whether or not to continue with this. And it isn't even New Years. 

Then there's the fact I know I look idiotic doing the swing dance routine while I'm half asleep (thus confirming my theory that those capable of running long distances at 6 am are the products of secret government bio-engineering) and the stories of horrible accidents due to the winter road conditions that make the idea of driving even less palatable. And I haven't even gotten to the horror of having to get in depth in the manuscripts at find out exactly what does and doesn't work. This is fucking hard and frankly terrifying. 

And I'm glad for it. 

The hardest part of any resolution (or any goal really) is when the honeymoon period wears off and the difficulties set in. When you wake up the morning after with sore abs and aching calves, knowing you have go do the same thing that made them ache in the first place. When you realize there's not a lot of spring water left in the house, but you still can't touch the unopened case of Dr. Pepper on the porch (WHY do I always try to give up soda right after I buy a new 12 pack?) When you see snow covered roads and know you'll have to learn how to drive those. When you know that Madeleine L'Engle's "Wrinkle in Time" was rejected 26 times by publishers before it became a classic and that could very well happen to you. I have crossed the plains and find myself staring up at the first incline of this giant purple mountain (my favorite color is purple and this is MY metaphor, thank you very much) looming in front of you.

Time to start going up.

I did the dance routine even though I knew I looked stupid. The headaches will NOT make me go back to unhealthy habits. Today I will be sharing manuscripts with some even harsher critics (Aunt Becky, be kind) and looking for books for the reading challenge. As for driving...well, there's a difference between being bold and being stupid. And when the news anchors are telling you "STAY THE FUCK HOME" (okay so they didn't say fuck, but I fully believe the news would be a whole lot more interesting if someone dropped the f-bomb occasionally) learning to drive on that day would be categorically idiotic. And I am not an idiot...just a little common-sense challenged.  

Capes, Hunger Games, and Robert Downey Jr.

There Are Many Things...

...a person will find in their home as they grow older. A strange stain on the carpet of indeterminate origins. An article of clothing too tight to fit any occupant of the home, but never donated and doomed to the limbo of the laundry cycle: washed repeatedly but never worn. A workout video the mother bought with the best intentions, watched repeatedly for a few weeks then condemned to collect dust in the far corner of an office or entertainment center. 

And verily I trudged through the dust of the TV stand to rescue said workout video from the ravages of dust and neglect. 

Not all heroes wear capes.

But I was persuaded by the seeming simplicity of learning a simple swing routine to believe that it was not the greatest workout. I was on the verge of reconsidering using it as my way to get active when I realized I was sweating, breathing hard, and praying my inevitable death would be quick and painless. 

That's how you know it's a good workout.   

Today, among buying drink mixes to trick my mouth into believe there was actually variety occurring, I also managed to find the reading list I wanted to complete for the new year. Popsugar's Reading Challenge offers not just the amount of books you should read, but what kind. A book less than 150 pages and another over 600. A political memoir, an autobiography, and so on and so forth. I highly recommend it for the pioneering bookworm....just be careful which relative you turn to for the "book recommended by a family member" (NO, JANESSA, I AM NOT READING HUNGER GAMES I DON'T CARE HOW UNLIKELY A HEROINE KATNISS IS).

As for learning how to drive and editing the manuscripts...well, there's not much on that front. If I am completely honest with myself, those are the two things I am most nervous about (oh yeah, let's put a girl known for spacing out behind the wheel of a machine capable of taking human life, I'm sure it will go swimmingly) and the two I most need to accomplish. That's where shaming myself comes in. It might be horrible to do it to other people, but a smidgen of self-shaming goes a long way. At the lowest point of his life, Robert Downey Jr. became ashamed of himself and where his life was going. And look where he is now. Be like Robert Downey Jr. Shame yourself into doing better things with your life. 

P.S. I'm not saying I'm Iron Man. I'm just saying that the suit is hella androgynous and it's wearer could in fact be another sex entirely and no one has shown proof that I do not own such a thing. Think about it. 

The Beginning

It's Christmas Day. 

And it has been fantastic. Painting ornaments, making cards, playing games (you're looking at the ultimate dominoes champion, thank you very much) and laughing till our sides hurt. But I've had one serious issue: my sister's wedding pictures.

Of course they were adorable. They did all the silly and adorable poses. But I have hated seeing myself in each and every one. Not my hair, not my face, but the....let's call it "fluffiness". And truth be told, there is probably too much of it.

Let me preface this by saying I know it's what inside that counts. And on the inside, I am creative, confident, witty, intelligent, and an all around badass wrapped in childlike-wonder and optimism. But it's not healthy for all this awesome to be in such a "fluffy" package. I gorge myself on Dr. Pepper like it's going out of style and pop M&Ms like they're  the secret to life. I spend hours on a laptop doing nothing of real value. So in the spirit of the coming turn of the year, I'm going to make some changes in my life, inside and out. Rather than wait for the actual new year and risk backing out, I'm doing it now. And I'm writing this and showing it to people so I have a reason to keep at it. Read it, comment, or find another corner of the internet to hang your hat, this thing will still be here.

I have a variety of resolutions and many of them will probably need explaining. But they are as follows...

1. Give up soda entirely - whenever I try to "just pull back" I end up losing track of my count or going right back to the daily amount I started with. When I get used to going completely without, I may introduce a small amount back in.
2. Get more active - right now my "active" will be the Dancing With the Stars workout DVD unless I finally save up for the correct gaming system to get a dancing game and/or it gets warmer and my clumsy ass wont face plant on the ice. Any tips on simple ways to get active (that don't require gym membership) would be loved.
3. Find and complete a reading challenge - I always call myself a bookworm but I will go days without touching my Nook, the ebook apps on my phone, or the physical tomes on my bookshelf. I need to step that up. Again, feel free to mention any challenges you've heard of. 
4. Finish editing and send a manuscript to a publisher - I have two stories in various stages of editing and an all-consuming fear of rejection. But if "Margaret Adelle, Internationally Best Selling Author" is ever going to be something I can put on my resume, I have to start somewhere. 
5. Learn how to drive - at 22, I am a bit behind in operating a moving vehicle. And if I had my way, I'd never learn. But relying on others for rides is draining and much more complicated than being able to do it myself. So lookout roadsters, Maggie's on her way!

Until next fall my only duties will be working at Target and playing for the local community college's musical. But at the beginning of the next school year I will be walking into my Masters program. And it would be fantastic if I can become a better, healthier version of myself by that time.

Future posts of this may be longer, depending on what I have to write. Most likely it will not be every day (unless I manage to do something towards one of my resolutions every day...which would be awesome, but I'm not counting my eggs before they hatch) but I will try to keep at it. For anyone that chooses to come on the ride with me, welcome aboard the weird train of thought that is my writing style. I hope you brought the proper supplies.